bio
Chun Kit.
74.
Married.
1S14:7

peeps
Heart of God Church
"Tai Lo"Dominic Leong
Ivan
Jianming
Joanne
Bryan Lim
Cheryl Chan
Denzel
Esther
Jeanie
Jiaxin
Jiayi
Jomain
Jordan
Kai Bin
Keith
Lumbin
Marcus
Nicko Luo
Nicko Tan
Shaun Leow
Wayne
cbox
the past
June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 June 2010
musiks
HEADSHOT
pattern



haro peeplo
Thursday, June 24

wow, cobwebs all around.
im the only reader herE! (:


midyears exams starting tmr, im.. kinda abit more confident this time round?
just abit more.


been reading up on lotsa stuff, abt city harvest thingy and so on.
i believe in Pst Kong.


talking abt psts, kinda miss em too.
miss dom n zone f too.

anyway, still love God (:
He's one pleasant little guy with really strong stuff.
watch out.



aight man, heading off,
gona do some updates every once in a long long while,
keep the lookout, you random passers-by. (:


lets go.
Sunday, March 21

im done here.

im leaving this life of regrets.



i'll achieve much more.
i believe.


maybe you'd know.
Tuesday, March 16



remembering.
Friday, February 19

its been a year since it all started.
some things, once lost, are never found again.
over time, i've lost some and gained some.
but of course, these things i've lost, are far far more precious to me than everything i've ever gained.
yet they will be so, so hard to get back because its not as easy as it is anymore.

its hard to accept how things turned out, but in one way or another, i've got to accept them.
grit my teeth and live life out.
its not easy without the people whom i onced called brothers, but if it has happen, i'll have to get through no matter how hard it will be.
i miss them, i miss how things were. i miss them all dearly.
somewhere along the way, i had to take a break. and during this break, i lost something so important, so vital, so unknowingly.
its a pity i cant seem to forget.

of course, these are all really beautiful memories. sparkling, lovely ones, forever with me.

but sometimes, we've just got to wake up to the nightmares.


Monday, February 15

wheres the commitment to find commitment..?

after so long, i still need You. :)




You are still the point.


Sunday, February 14

rebelling seems real good.
but its only suicide.

desire there, death's there.
cant get what i wanna get.


smirking.
Tuesday, January 26

i ain't gonna do what i don't want to.
i'm gonna live my life,
shining like a diamond, rollin' with a dice.
Standing on the ledge and show the wind how to fly

cause when the world gets in my face,
i say...

have a nice day.



;)


what the world thinks about me,
only comes true when i think it's about me.


wow... be strong.
Saturday, December 5

The moment he was born, Mathew Rudes was whisked away before his mother could see him. Doctors wanted to find an explanation for his extra long body, malleable head and folded limbs before facing his parents.

matt rudes
Mathew Rudes, 21, may be one of the oldest people alive with a severe form of Marfan syndrome.
(Courtesy Carol Rudes)

"They wouldn't show Matt to me and I knew something was wrong, because he's my third child," said his mother, Carol Rudes.

She said she remembers the doctors warning her that her son had no bones in his feet and that he had brain damage. Then the nurses began consoling her, quite sure her baby would die before he left the hospital.

They were wrong, in many ways.

Rudes lived, wrote a book before he was 11 years old and graduated valedictorian of his law and government magnet high school in North Hills, Calif. Now 21, he is due to graduate with honors from the University of California Los Angeles this spring and then head off to law school in the fall.

He did all this despite suffering agonizing complications from a severe form of Marfan syndrome, a genetic mutation historians believe affected Abraham Lincoln and ancient Egyptian pharaoh Tutankhamen.


Fighting Since Birth

Rudes has something to say to anyone who has been misdiagnosed, has a disability or has fought the words "you can't."

"I have survived my disabilities, I have survived my pain syndrome and I have survived the burning gaze of people who assume that I must be mentally retarded because I am in a wheelchair," Rudes wrote in a memo to ABC News.

"You cannot let disability, pain or worse -- people's assumptions -- rule your life; this is my life mantra. I live or die by these words," wrote Rudes.

Rudes is not kidding about life or death. The first assumption he and his mother fought was that his condition would kill him.

One in 5,000 people have Marfan syndrome, a mutation in the fibrilin1 gene that affects the production of the protein fibrilin in connective tissue. As a result, connective tissue in the body can weaken, affecting the eyes, blood vessels, skeleton, heart and skin.

Marfan syndrome may be mild and only diagnosed in adulthood or it can be severe and evident at birth. Marfan patients often grow long and lean, well above 6 feet for both sexes. Their joints may become extremely flexible and weak, they may develop scoliosis and the lenses in their eyes can begin to dislocate.

But what causes the most concern is the aorta, the artery that delivers blood from the heart to the body, because it may loosen, expand and tear.

The geneticist who diagnosed Rudes at birth is amazed that he's living at all.

"Mathew is probably one of the oldest surviving, if not the oldest surviving infantile Marfan case," said Rena Falk, a geneticist at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. "Most patients with infantile Marfan syndrome are dead long before age 22."

To survive, Rudes endured 13 surgeries: two major heart surgeries, several orthopedic surgeries, eye surgery -- and a lot of pain. He was legally blind as a child and lost the ability to walk shortly before middle school.

At school, Rudes excelled despite missing months of classes. At the hospital, Rudes developed yet another debilitating complication -- chronic pain.


Pain or Mind Games?

"If pain is not treated well, it can develop a life of its own," said Lonnie Zeltzer, Rudes' doctor and director of the Pediatric Pain Program at Mattel Children's Hospital of The University of California Los Angeles.

"We now know in pain medicine that, especially during childhood, if pain is not well-treated you actually start changing the development of your nervous system," Zeltzer said.

When Rudes had too little pain medication after a surgery, his nerves kept up a constant firing of pain signals, which in turn resulted in a buildup of chemicals called neurotransmitters.

These chemicals slowly changed some of the nerves that feel pressure, warmth or cold, into nerves that carry pain signals, Zeltzer said.

"It ups the volume and the amount of traffic of pain signals from your organs, from your skin going to the nerve fibers in the spinal cord," she said.

Over time, the high volume of pain signals actually changed how his brain interpreted messages, creating haywire warnings.

At one point Rudes' system devolved so much that his brain could interpret even the slightest touch as excruciating pain.

An example of one such touch happened in 1995, when Rudes was lying in his hospital bed covered in bandages after an orthopedic surgery.

"I left his side to go get a soda down the hall," said Carol Rudes. "The only thing that was exposed were Mathew's toes."

While she was out, a pediatrician walked into the room.

"For some reason he touched Mathew's toes and that sent him into such pain his heart rate went up; he was screaming, alarms went off and they had to call the cardiologist," Carol said. He only calmed down after receiving an IV of Valium.

Rudes continued to develop intense pain after his recovery. Much of it is a blur to him, but his mother remembers watching her son suffer.

"He had seizures, he would go blind for short periods of time, and he would have just incredible pain and he was just forced to scream out," Carol said.

At one point Rudes became so desperate, he tried to commit suicide by swallowing a handful of blood thinners. The pain was so intense and the cause so elusive, Rudes' doctors thought he was crazy.

"It was just -- the manifestations of the pain syndrome were just unique, that there weren't any physical explanations," he said. "The easiest way to explain it was that you were faking it."

Rudes' mother is less forgiving of those who misjudged the situation.

"I remember having a big talk with the pain team and the psyche team. … I kept saying just give him a chance, I know this is not psychological, it's not," she said.

Finally, doctors found some explanations. For one, Rudes had needed his gall bladder out for nearly a year.

His doctors also did an MRI scan and discovered little pockets, or sacs, along his spine that were pooling and leaking spinal fluid. These pockets, called dural ecstasias, occasionally develop as a result of Marfan syndrome.

While there is no procedure to safely remove dural ecstasias, there are drugs to ease his pain: OxyContin, Ketamine, methadone, Valium and liquid morphine for serious breakthrough pain.


Victorious, yet Pain His Hardest Battle

"Sitting right before me is a 30-day pill box -- each day has a morning, afternoon, night container of around 10 or so pills," Rudes said. "That's enough to kill a whole middle school."

Rudes said he feels as though he emerged from a dark mist, now able and ready to play what cards fate has dealt him.

He's bedridden for most of the day and can stand up on his own long enough to pivot into his wheelchair. His mother drives him to school and assists him on his way to class. Rudes says he spends the rest of his days at home, "where I man the helm of my hospital bed as I study, read books and play the occasional video game."

"I always felt that if I had no other problems than just being in a wheelchair, I'd have a wonderful life," Rudes said. "It's all the offshoots of pain that contribute to a very complicated web indeed."


credits : ABC News

link: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/PainNews/story?id=4758746&page=1


funny how.
Friday, November 13

today im back at this dilemma again.
hate to need You when i do need You.
hate to not need You when i do not need You.

bring me through this!






i believe.


yay!
Sunday, November 1

all i wanna say is...
WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!




(:

i believe if i feel it or not.